


Broken by Default

by kaze no kokyuu (Tigurijia)



Series: Naki/Fuwa Dealing With Feelings [4]
Category: Kamen Rider - All Media Types, Kamen Rider Zero-One
Genre: Amatsu Gai (mentioned) - Freeform, Bittersweet Ending, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mental Breakdown, Other, Past Abuse, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:41:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25169368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tigurijia/pseuds/kaze%20no%20kokyuu
Summary: "Sorry, maybe I'm really broken by default.""Even so, I'll fix you."
Relationships: Fuwa Isamu & Naki, Fuwa Isamu/Naki
Series: Naki/Fuwa Dealing With Feelings [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794595
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Broken by Default

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you so much to Dizzy for beta-reading this story!
> 
> With this story I wanted to write the idea that not always love and a kisses can "heal" a person who has suffered a trauma. Of course love (in any form) helps, but it's not the only necessary element but from this can arise the flame of courage.
> 
> Dedicated to a dear friend who's going through a difficult time. <3

Fuwa was an impulsive person, yet recently he had learned what it meant to take one step at a time. Sometimes it had been simple, others complicated, yet he was still standing, and for that reason alone he felt the need to pat himself on the back. 

The main reason for his last worries was Naki, or rather some aspects that concerned them; Fuwa until a few months before had never considered feeling anything other than resentment and hatred towards a Humagear, now that the situation had turned around the confusion had taken over... But it wasn’t only that. For him, any kind of relationship had found a complicated side to it and his character had played a major role in his defeats.

But now there was Naki, or at least someone who had decided not to turn his back on him despite his turbulent character, certainly not the only encounter in his life, but at that precise moment the only one he felt an inexplicable attraction to. 

Neither of them seemed able to give a name to their feelings, and although Fuwa didn't really feel the need, he was conscious of the fact that sooner or later they would have to face that speech even though the shared gestures already spoke for themselves, while his head and his mouth didn’t seem to want to cooperate. 

***

Naki couldn't explain why they were so attached to that human. Fuwa Isamu was literally the most common human being on the face of the earth, yet there was something about him that upset them. And at the same time, it made them feel good.

Naki is a rather strong Humagear, but the uncertainty about what had been taken away from them made Naki feel fragile; little by little they were trying to rebuild everything Amatsu Gai had taken away from them. Their memories were fragmented, often and willingly leading them to close themselves, closing their eyes the memories floated like images from an old film, unpleasant, aberrant, disgusting memories. Unfortunately for the Humagears it didn't work as it did for human beings, closing their eyes wasn't enough to drive their thoughts away and those wounds accumulated over time continued to dilute their still unstable memory. They had learned to live with those memories, but sometimes the disgust, anger and humiliation were so strong that it prevented them from functioning properly.

But this never happened when Naki was in Fuwa's body, and it still didn't happen often when they were in his company. Fuwa may have the most trivial past on the face of the earth, but his character and the characteristics that made him "Fuwa Isamu" were the main reason why Naki was no longer able to look away from him. Naki didn't know the meaning of their own reaction, but interacting externally with Fuwa helped them to keep negative thoughts at bay and for once they weren't just licking their wounds as they had always done until now.

***

Fuwa was certainly an impulsive person: at work, fighting and sometimes even in relationships of whatever nature they were. Sometimes he wasn't able to channel what he felt correctly and ended up messing up, not only with others but also with himself.

Yet, with Naki he had always been inexplicably cautious, sometimes like a wolf watching his prey before attacking it, sometimes like a human trying to pity his neighbor, and finally there were times when he would improvise his existence like Fuwa Isamu and everything didn't seem to go exactly right.

"Naki"

Fuwa let slip the name of the Humagear between kisses, his hands touching Naki's skin through their clothes, following the shapes. Naki immediately opened up to the other, tilting his chin to facilitate Fuwa's path and allow him to deepen the contact. Fuwa gently bite their lower lip, then kissed Naki more aggressively. 

"Fuwa..." Naki said in a softer voice than usual, during that little truce, Fuwa tried to calm his breathing, inhaling so hard that his lungs burned. His hand traced Naki's features, descending down their cheek to the line of the throat, slowly unbuttoning the buttons on their shirt. 

Fuwa's other hand wandered along Naki's arm, grabbing their wrist rougher than usual. At that gesture the Humagear stopped moving, remaining impassive for a few seconds, as if in the grip of a blackout. Vulcan didn't realize it at first, then he met Humagear's vitreous expression, eyes wide open and disoriented, their body trembling as if in the grip of spasms. 

***

Naki didn't know the concept of happiness, but knew better than anyone that it couldn't last forever. They had never been happy before, but by sharing mind and body with Fuwa, Naki had learned that happiness could be born even from trivial things and tried to treasure that experience. They had decided to become strong in order to make those who had used them as a tool in the past pay for it, without taking into account the fact that even the Humagear were able to develop a consciousness similar to that of human beings. Perhaps they would never have been able to feel what a human could feel, but that feeling of restlessness that assailed them when they paused to remember the past was worse than anything else.

Though Fuwa's touch was different from that of his previous tormentor at that moment, for some strange reason that grip on their wrist had brought them back to thinking of Gai and all the times he had had no respect for Naki, using them as an object of his own choosing... And then throwing Naki away when it was of no use to him.

Naki’s body was completely blocked, it hadn't been damaged so badly that it malfunctioned, yet their circuits didn't seem to cooperate to allow them to move or talk. Naki wanted to scream, yet the channel that allowed them to express themselves seemed to have gone into complete blackout.

Naki felt Gai's heatless hands squeeze them hard, squeeze their wrists, trappling Naki so that they couldn’t escape. His body pressed against their own, the excitement trembling against their belly, his slightly wheezing breath on the neck. That feeling of complete bewilderment that came back more vivid than ever.

The time seemed to have frozen forever in those moments, but fortunately Fuwa was able to shake Naki with enough conviction to bring them back to their senses. Naki returned Fuwa's gaze, the human looked worried, no one had ever looked at them with that expression before.

"Naki?! You went out for several minutes, are you sure you feel alright? I have to call Hiden -" He stopped when Naki grabbed his hand hard, almost as if they were looking for a firm foothold to avoid falling into that nightmare again with their eyes open. Uncertain, Fuwa returned that hold, unable to shake off the veil of worry that was gripping him. 

"I've done something you didn't want, if that's what it is -" But Naki interrupted him before Fuwa could even think that he might be the "wrong" one, it wasn't like that at all.

"No, I just... I've been remembering some things from the past lately." Trying to explain, crouching down on themselves, in a fetal position. Fuwa swallowed, unable to utter any words for fear of crossing a line he shouldn’t have, although in all his ignorance, he had caught too many details of Naki's behavior that spoke for themselves. He felt powerless and foolish because he suddenly realized that he knew relatively little about Naki's past.

"Sorry, maybe I'm really broken by default." 

Fuwa sighed, approaching Naki but without bursting into the space they had created, he reached out to look for Naki's hand again but they didn’t reciprocate the squeeze. It was painful, but at the moment he was not in a position to let himself be taken by despair when Naki needed him.

"Even so, I'll fix you." 

Naki looked with their tail in Fuwa's eye and reciprocated with both hands, clinging desperately to him. He could also see anger in his eyes, not addressed to them of course, but Naki could clearly read that feeling reviving the Rider's eyes.

Fuwa realized he had more in common with Naki than he thought, he didn't share his traumatic past, but in his own way he was "broken" too, which is why he felt the need to help fix Naki. The disorder of the past had pushed him to pursue a new dream, new ideals, but under his skin he still felt that shiver of terror that went through him every time he thought how much he had suffered for a past that only existed in his head so he didn't imagine how he could feel being Naki and feel what they had had to go through in the past.

The handshake became stronger, if at one time he was sure they were too damaged and in danger of destroying each other, now they were saving each other.


End file.
